****
"Didn't Aristotle say 'All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire'"
"What's your point?"
"Maybe it's in my very nature to just do this. Perhaps I don't have to have a reason"
"Why must you be so cynical. Let me help you, I can help you!"

Its not by chance I do this.

"And how can you help?"

Its not by nature I do this.

"Stop being so selfish, this is hard on everyone. If you do this, lots more people will suffer"

Its not by compulsion I do this.

"That's what I want"

Its not by habit I do this.

"I'll give you one last chance, you have to stop this or I will stop you myself"
It’s not by reason I do this.
"I will not let you stop me. I won't let anyone stop me."
Its not by passion I do this.
This rank existence pains me, colour dilute and fade. There is nothing left to fight for now, so I may as well destroy it all and be done with it.
It's by desire I do this. The desire for them all to know what a bleached world is like.
****
Project Sutra
Chapter Three: The Demon Descends

****
Yoiko yawned irritably, scratched, and meandered sleepily down the stairs.
She wasn't a morning person at the best of times, and last night's sleep had been interrupted by the sound of her flat mate arriving home at some ungodly hour. Maybe Sutra had gone out on a date? She hoped that was it.
Yawning, she took out a cup and a bottle of soda, setting both on the breakfast table.
It was high time that Sutra got her act together and started dating, she'd lived with her for 2 months and hadn’t even brought a guy back yet.
What’s the point in moving into our own flat together if she doesn’t use it for guys?
Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned.
"Hi Yoiko," Emiel said awkwardly.
Yoiko blinked. "Emiel?"
"It's me."
She blinked again. "Aren't you dead?"
"I got better."
A third blink. "Oh. That's nice."
Yoiko smiled, it was meaningless banter the two always engaged in whenever he came to visit.
"So, is Sutra in? I was wondering if she felt up to visiting Aunt Corinne's with me."
As if on que Sutra wandered downstairs warily.
Life had been fairly normal of late, luring her into a false sense of complacency.
She flushed, irritated.
Her own feelings were curiously mixed. She was happy living here, she had freedom she had never had before.
On the other had, she missed living with her brother.
Sutra was so wrapped up in her thoughts that it took her at least three seconds to notice Emeil smiling at her.
"Rough night Sutra?" asked Yoiko with a grin
Sutra squinted her eyes "Not really, you know I dont drink. I'm just a little tired that’s all"
"So you should be, coming in at 4am, you dirty little stop out" added Yoiko with a laugh.
"I...met up with a guy"
"Huzzah!" They simultaneously cheered. Sutra frowned.
"Little Sutra is growing up" Emiel cooed sarcastically
Emeil shuck with barely suppressed laughter at the expression that played across Sutra's face. First surprise, which graduated into astonishment; then embarrassment, and then...
What the? Was Sutra blushing? Ha Ha! Emiel: One, Sutra: Zero, he scored.
"Ingrates." she barked threw her blush
"Earth to Sutra," he called.
Sutra blinked at Emeil, who was grinning cockily at her.
"Guess I win that one," he sniggered.
"How's about I let you decide the terms of the next round to see if you can draw level?" he added loftily, sniggering once more at Sutra's embarrassment.
"What’s he talking about?" added a confused Yoiko
"Its nothing, just sibling rivalry. He seems to think he has one up on me just because he got me to blush"
Sutra walked away from the two, back up the stairs
"Where are you going?"
"Theirs something I forgot to do"
Almost 20 minutes passed and she didn’t return.
"What the hell is she doing, she didn’t even tell me if she was coming or not!?"
"Lets go up, I’m sure she’s decent"
Yoiko and Emiel walked upstairs and looked in to Sutras room.
They saw Sutra lying on her bed, feet kicking playfully in the air, writing in the notebook/ diary/ project she had had for years.
The blush resided to a dull pink.
Yoiko gently pressed her finger over Emiel’s lips.
"Leave her be, she’s started working in ROM again, she could be hours. Must have had an idea and began working on it"
She went back downstairs to make herself some breakfast.
Emeil remained, watching her as she scribbled in the book, like so many times she had done before he had started drinking.
It looked as if Sutra had finally found her centre again.
"Must have been one hell of a guy she met up with. Hell...she’s even humming"
Indeed, Sutra was humming a random tune she had heard last night.
A huge smiled formed on her face as she thought of the guy last night.
She sighed "....Hidalgo....um"
Emeil almost face faulted, the only Hidalgo he knew of in the area was Hidalgo 'Sin falta' Chale, the infamous womaniser and playboy. He lived up to his namesake.
The Mexican 'Las cuentas sin falla ' or 'He who scores without fail'.
He prayed to any god listing it wasn't him, his sister’s heart was frail enough without his kind of love.
****
I will never forget his face looking haggard and drained of strength. His entire body like a rusty gate, stiff and creaking, like it might fall apart at any moment.
"Have you really given up on everything?"
"What is the point? Everything good has gone"
"This might sound harsh, but he’s de-"
"Do not finish that sentence"
"But it was so long ago...cant you let him go?"
My soul was paralysed at that moment, I can never move on, not until I see the world pay for its shortcomings.
"Never"
"So you think hurting other people will make you feel better? Foolishness!"
"Misery loves company"
****
Lain thought about it for a moment.
"Okay. I'll admit, she loves you. Despite the way you treat her like dirt."
"No, no, no. It's BECAUSE I treat her like dirt! You see, Lain, women are inherently inferior creatures. That's why they need protection, rescuing from being kidnapped, etc. You see, they KNOW that we men are stronger and better than they are, and just aren't comfortable attempting to be masculine tomboys. The more you put them in their place, the more they'll care for you."

Lain was utterly stunned. Never, ever in his life had he heard anything quite as stupid, heard anything quite so offensive, heard anything with such huge, gaping, drive-a-truck-through-me holes in logic, than what Hidalgo had just told him. "That is complete and utter bull."

What a jerk, he thought. I can't believe that jerk actually gets away with acting like that. I'd never be so cruel to this Sutra person. Never.

"You're a sick man Hidalgo. I hope this Sutra knows what she's getting into."
Lain stood up, utterly disgusted.
He wished a thousand times over he'd never invited this creep to their last drinking trip.
"You do know that Sutra is Emiel's kid sister. Better be careful. You do anything to mess her up and he'll rip your face of"
"What? The reformed 'alco-jessy'? Don't make me laugh. He's even less gusty now than he was when he drank"
"Don't underestimate him. I've learned from experience. It’s only his kid sister he actually thinks about. He will do something about it if you pull your usual crap on her."
With that he walked away, leaving Hidalgo grinning to himself.
****
"You sound pathetic"
"I am pathetic"
"Stop putting yourself down! Stop it right now!"
"But you just called me pathetic yourself!"
"Well...that's different."
Trying to convince me when you can't even convince yourself? Maybe you’re the pathetic one after all?
Who am I kidding...I am the more pathetic of the two....
*****
She froze in consternation. She tried glaring at him but the tears kept interfering; finally she just turned away.
She took a dozen steps before she softly said over her shoulder in Spanish, "Maybe all that you missed was the obvious."
"But I dont understand Sutra, why are you so upset?" he replied in Spanish.
"Dummy!!"
As he approached her, she looked up, a haunted, dead look in her eyes.
It showed him the meaning of fear, but his stone heart refused to register it.
"You have no idea what you've done!"
"Sutra, look, its nothing personal, I just...well, I dont 'like' like you anymore. It was just a little fun"
For a moment he saw tenderness in Sutra's eyes, then they were cold and harsh, once more.
"But I loved you! You pervert! You horrible, disgusting pig!"
"Look, Sutra, it isn’t my problem you thought this relationship would go somewhere. I never said I was serious about this relationship"
"You told me you loved me! You said it! How could you be cheating on me with another girl!?!"
"Yea well...I lied, and she’s hotter than you."
Sutra stormed towards him and placed a well-delivered and deserved slap across his face.
"I HATE YOU HIDALGO! DID THE LAST SIX MONTHS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!"
She looked at him for a few moments for any sort of retort, still hoping deep down he would change his mind and beg forgiveness.
He just looked at her, unmoved by the desperation in her deep blue eyes.
"Fine, end it bitterly. I dont really care"
He turned around and began to walk away.
"See you around dog"
Sutra stood in stunned silence, her arm still in the position it had been at the end of her strike.
She remained motionless for a few moments, then fell to her knees and wept the hardest she had ever.
That stupid jerk had used her innocent and fragile heart, and crushed it getting what he had wanted.
Hidalgo 'Sin falta' Chale had yet again played to form.
****
"You stubborn jackass"
"Everyone likes you. And me... I'm nothing. I deserve to be thrown into the deepest, darkest pit and left to rot. It's fine to hate me. Everyone else does."
"That’s not true. I didn’t say I hated you, if I hated you I wouldn’t be here"
"Then why ARE you here?"
"Its because I care about you I'm here. Everyone is so worried about you. You have to move on, end this now or you will destroy yourself."
And this is where it is to end? Just like that? I don't want to sound... selfish, but I need more. I can't live like this because I still love him. He was the only constant in my life, and... and... We were happy, weren't we?
Can I ever be happy again? It’s been so long already, and I still haven’t seen any light since I was swallowed by the darkness...
All I have left is my memories, if I move on, dont I abandon him?
****
Adelfried Beobachter was walking threw the park on his way home from work. He worked part time at Sutra's school and taught English literature. Adelfried regarded Sutra as more than just a work colleague, he regarded her a friend.
As he walked he heard a familiar voice shouting in an exasperated voice, as if it had been walling for hours.
It was Sutra's voice, and she was yelling at a man who he knew to be her boyfriend of around 6 months. He'd met him at the school's Christmas party last year.
Sutra, to his surprise was yelling in Spanish.
Adelfried decided to stay and watch this argument as it looked like it could get nasty.
"Quizá todo que usted perdió era el obvio." she mutters to her boyfriend as she turned away from him.
"Pero yo me puse entiende Sutra, por qué es usted tan trastorna??" he asked casually.
"¡Tonto! " she screamed at him.
He approached her.
Adelfried stiffened but Sutra only looked at him, and him at her. Her face blocked from Adelfried's view by his head.
"Usted no tiene la menor idea lo que usted ha hecho!" she spoke loudly.
"Sutra, La mirada, su nada personal, yo apenas. ..well, que yo me puse 'quiere' como usted ya. Era apenas una diversión pequeña." he replied in a mellow tone.
Sutra replied to his comment by screaming "¡Pero te quiero! ¡Usted perverte! Usted horrible, disjusting puerco!"
He understood a few of the words from this ‘Perverte’, ‘horrible’ and ‘disjusting’ kind of gave away that Sutra was calling her boyfriend some terrible names.
Adelfried saw this man let go of Sutra and take a step back, shrug and all most laugh.
"Look, Sutra, no es mi problema usted pensó esta relación iría en algún lugar. ¡Yo nunca dije que era grave acerca de esta relación"
Sutra was silent for a moment. Adelfried could now see Sutra looked extremely upset by the last comment.
"Usted me dijo usted me adoró! ¡Usted lo dijo! ¡Cómo pueda usted es estafar en mí con otra chica! ?!" She almost pleased
"Si bien. ..I mintió, y ella está más caliente que usted." he retorted smugly
Adelfried was shocked when Sutra delivered a slap across his face.
"¡YO LE ODIO HIDALGO! HIZO LOS ULTIMOS SEIS MESES NADA MALO A USTED" she yelled in her loudest tone yet.
She looked at him for a few moments for any sort of retort.
He just looked at her, unmoved by the desperation in her deep blue eyes.
"La multa, lo termina amargamente. Yo me puse realmente cuidado "
He turned around and began to walk away.
"Véale alrededor de ramera "
Sutra in stunned silence, her arm still in the position it had been at the end of her strike.
She remained motionless for a few moments, then fell to her knees and wept.
Adelfried watched the man as he left the park then came into Sutra's view. He watched her for a few moments, wondering weather or not to venture over.
After a few minutes deliberation he walked over to her and gently placed an arm around her.
Sutra jumped a little as the arm came from almost no where, until she realised who it was.
"Come on Sutra, I don't know what you two where arguing about, but it's pretty obvious your upset. Come back to mine. I'm not leaving you like this."
Sutra, to mentally exhausted from it all nodded and allowed Adelfried to guide her to his house.
****
"I will go threw with this till the end. I will make everyone understand how I feel!"
Push forward, push on. Use the last of your strength. The road has been hard and long but there is not much further to go. When you reach the light you can finally stop, and never go on again....
****
Emiel ignored Sutra's outburst and walks towards Sutra, when he was in front of Sutra. He touched Sutra's forehead, "Are you okay?"
Sutra slapped Emiel’s hand, "What?"

"A-R-E-Y-O-U-O-K-A-Y?" Emiel said, spelling out the words to her.
"What are you talking about jerk!?"
"No I meant it"
"You stupid! Wha-"
Sutra stopped when Emiel put his pointing finger on her lips. Emiel looked deeply into Sutra's eyes. "The last time I saw you, you were leaving to meet Hidalgo for dinner, what happened? That was three days ago"
Sutra slapped Emiel's hands again, still angry "Are you spying on me? You’re not my keeper you know!"
Sutra's words where harsher than normal.
"Are....you drunk?"
Sutra frowned and slapped him half heatedly
"I am NOT you Emiel"
She fought back, not with fists, not with feet, but with words, and sometimes words hurt harder than punches.
These 5 words cut Emiel harder than steel. He wanted to slap her, but he calmed himself, knowing he would be contradicting himself if he did.
He has been like this so many times to her in the past, so he continued, as she would have.
Emiel reached up a hand to caress Sutra's face, "You don't have to be alone, you-"

"NO!" Sutra pulled away sharply from Emiel. The boy stared after the girl, finding his own heart left rent asunder at the rejection.
"Sutra?? What happened to you?? Tell me!"
"Nothing"
"Did..did Hidalgo do something to you??" Emiel asked with alarm.
"Yes, but not what your thinking, and I only smell of Vodka because someone spilled their drink on me"
Indeed, Sutra had not touched a drop.
"Then where the hell have you been? Yoiko called every hospital in the area, we though you where in an accident or something!"
Sutra began to rub her arms and closed them around herself
"I..I though Hidalgo was going to propose to me that night...instead he told me he was cheating on me...and dumped me"
Emiel's face was drained of colour
"O Sutra...I'm so s-"
Sutra stopped him from finishing by throwing herself into an embrace.
Emiel raped his arms around her as she wept on his shirt
"I'm so sorry I made you worry...its just...I-I had to get away, I was staying at Adelfried's...I told him not to call you"
Emeil began to stroke her hair to comfort her
"shhhh....its ok, your safe, that all that matters. I'm here for you Sutra. I always will be"
Sutra lead back to look at Emiel’s smiling face
"Never underestimate your importance to me."
Emiel pulled Sutra back towards him. His eyes where ablaze with fury.
He would have murdered Hidalgo if he had walked into the room at that moment.
“Don't think that because you can't get what you want, you can't find exactly what you need..." he added, his voice sinned with anger
*Hidalgo WILL find what he is needing indeed…*

****
"I still think there’s a good person inside you, but maybe I'm not as generous and forgiving as you thought I was. No, I know I'm not."
"I understand."
"I have to stop you. Theirs no other way, you’re deaf to my pleas"
"Thank you."
"What?"
"I appreciate you care, even if it doesn't seem like it. But I won’t let you stop me."
"That is the most unique apology I've ever heard."
I don't hate you. I just can’t bring myself to care about anyone anymore, and I will make everyone understand that.
"Regardless. I deserve your contempt as well."
"So you will walk this path...."
"There is no other path"
****
Sutra and Emiel walked for about half and hour not saying anything to each other. Once Sutra had found a good spot to talk, she sat down and Emiel sat opposite her.
"So Sutra, what did you want to talk about?" Emiel said looking at her.
"Well…I was wondering if you would like to go to Mom and Dad’s graves this weekend. Its mothers day next week and I managed to get some time of work…." Sutra said looking out towards the children playing in the park.
Emeil watched as her eyes glazed over as she stood up and walked over towards a kid that had fallen while playing soccer, she looked about 7 or 8, at a push 9.
"There, there, don't cry. Here we'll wash that blood off and put a Band-Aid on it, and it will feel a whole lot better." Sutra said as she bent down to look at the little girl's knee.
"Emiel, can I have one of those Band-Aids from your bag and some water?" Sutra called out across the park.
"Uh?...yeah sure Sutra, whatever." Emiel was stunned, he had never seen Sutra like this before.
Is this motherly instinct coming out in her? Emiel thought as he walked over to where the little girl was sitting on Sutra's lap and crying on her shoulder.
"Shh, now here let's have a better look at that knee. Oh thanks Emiel. Here now doesn't that feel better?" Sutra said once she had cleaned up the girl’s knee and kissed it better.
"Thank you very much lady. It does feel better. Bye bye." The little girl said. She then got up and ran to play cheerily with the rest of the children.
"Kind of reminds me of myself at that age…”
Sutra sighed
“I was playing in this very park when you came to find me…to tell me what had happened”
Grabbing hold of Emiel's left arm, she pulling him to sit next to her on the bench.
“I still miss them…”
In days after her brake up with Hidalgo, old wounds had reopened.
She watched as the little girl ran towards who she assumed was her mother. Vague recollection filled her mind as she saw the woman, but brushed it aside and returned her attention back to Emiel.
"Shauni? Where did you get that bandage?" Sakura asked her daughter.
"I feel playing soccer, but that nice lady kissed it better"
Sakura looked towards the young woman Shauni had indicated.
"Well, it is isn’t the raven haired enigma. So many years...and I still remember her sitting in this very park like it was yesterday, she was so miserable."
Sakura’s smile whined a little as she saw the momentary sombre Sutra return to a sullen view as she began to talk to the man next to her.
"I guess she still isn’t to happy…but she looks a lot better in herself…at least she has that much…"
****
"How do you find your path in the world where your path has already been chosen for you?"
"A path is made because many have walked down it before. That doesn't mean you’re meant to walk down it yourself. Why dont you make a new path? Be the first to walk it"
"I want to walk this fate"
“Even if it means you hurt those you love?”
"You are delusional. I have NO love..."

"What about him. I know you grieved for his passing."

My face lost the expression of contempt, and switched to full anger, "Don't... don't you dare bring him into this. It is not the same..."

"Not the same love, but love nonetheless. What you felt... feel for him is real, do you deny it?"

I looked away, "It was a moment of weakness, nothing more..."

"I look at it as your true strength," she replied with a small smile, "and your salvation."

The memory of him…all his pain, all his misery…and them all just laughing as his faced was drained of colour. Standing and mocking as he died in front of them…in front of me. His body ridged and swollen…his face…god his beautiful face battered into a bloodied pulp.
My anger was complete at the memory.
I was dammed at that moment…I didn’t want to be saved. Those mocking vultures that circled us will all burn in the fire I will unleash. For I have no other desire than to watch them fall from the sky and become haggard and blistered as the fires rage. I want them all to surfer.
My resolve was now concluded. She had unwillingly cut my fuse short by reminding me of that horrid moment. Of the images that are burned to my very eyelids. To my very core.
The moment that haunts my sleep.
The moment that consumes my days.
The moment that all this is about.
The moment the fire started.
To that moment when the world died.

"There is no salvation for the damned,"
I started it.
"No! Think it over!"
To late.
I had done it, I had almost been stopped but I had done it regardless.
"I can't believe you...actually did it..."
"It’s only a matter of time before it consumes everything""
"But this could ruin everyone, everything..."
Regardless, I had done it. Like the snake biting its victim, I wait for the venom to take effect.
“Let’s see them laugh at this. Lets watch them point and mock.”
I’ll clip the wings of the vermin.
They will never laugh again…
****
Author's Notes: Well, hope you enjoyed reading this. Sorry to disappoint you hentai readers but this is not a lemon or lime =P
Hidalgo is not a native Mexican. He was born and lives in the unnamed country the story is set in. Hidalgo is Spanish for 'Noble One'. Chale is Spanish for 'Strong and Manly'. Making his name literally translate to 'Nobel Man', which he isn't. His name is a contradiction to his personality on purpose.
'Las cuentas sin falla' is Spanish for 'Scores without fail'.
All translations in this chapter are based on www.freetranslation.com
I can not speck Spanish, so if the translations are incorrect, it’s not my fault. I needed it so that Adelfried did not understand what Sutra and her boyfriend where talking about. I also needed to establish that Sutra can speak Spanish.
Adelfried is German for 'protects the descendants'. This character plays a greater part later in the story. His name was chosen as he watches over and protects Sutra.
'Beobachter' means 'watcher' as he watches over Sutra.
His name can be translated to ‘Watcher and Protector’.

The image of Sutra looking after Shauni without knowing it is an interesting one that came to me. I have no idea where this one came from. I just got this picture in my head, of Sutra unknowingly tending to a young Shauni. Wondering why she'd do such a thing, I ended up with the idea that it was a playground accident she just happened to be at.
You will find many occasions, like in the first chapter, where Sutra and Shauni cross paths almost by accident. It’s almost a reverberation of events to come.